From the Lonely Planet Blog
NATURIST is one name given to those with a penchant for social nudity, but for Lonely Planet author Tamara Sheward, there was nothing natural about going starkers in public.
But a chance stay at a beachside, clothing-optional B&B revealed the joys of letting go of inhibitions, body image gripes and the sarong clutched tightly to her gut.
Tamara shares her top tips for letting it all hang out at nudist beaches – the second-most fun you can have with your clothes off.
JUST DO IT
You want to commune with nature? Tan lines aren’t your thing? Or maybe you’ve always wanted to get sand in weird places. Whatever the reason, you’ve made the decision to swap your swimming suit for the birthday variety – so when you drop your dacks, ditch your hangups as well.
Don’t take the “buff” bit of “in the buff” too literally: nobody will look twice at your love handles, but histrionic gut-sucking and crossed-arm contortions will definitely garner gawks.
Note to blokes: the “Just flaunt it” rule does not apply in cases of, erm, overstimulation. Lie on your belly and count to 100. In Magyar.
DON’T OVERDO IT
While confidence – real or grimly forced – is a good thing, rampant exhibitionism is not. However liberated, wild and free they might make you feel, nudist beaches aren’t really the place to practice Bikram poses or to pole dance on the lifeguard’s chair.
And, ladies: that fine-looking chap staring at you and counting in Hungarian under his breath maybe flattering, but an open invitation to jump his bones there and then is a bog no, no.
Remember, you’re naked, not naaaaaked.
HAIR’S LOOKING AT YOU
Pubic hair trimmed into hilarious (smiley faces) or suggestive (downwards-pointing arrows) shapes is creepy, even under your clothing. And while full Brazilians can be a little confronting, the overgrown Amazonian look can be equally startling.
Make at least a vague attempt at grooming before making the pubic public. Set the clippers to “2″ and take heed: if even the seagulls look scared, maybe it’s time to enlist the services of a professional coiffeuse.
DO UNTO OTHERS
In the interests of public sanity and aesthetic sensibilities, the following activities are strictly verboten whilst starkers: Crouching for any reason, playing maladroit beach-badminton, using a bucket and spade on all-fours, straddling sandcastles, sitting spreadeagle on inflatable novelty rafts.
Jumping up and down when the hot sand burns your feet is understandable. Star jumps, however, are indefensible.
AND FOR YOUR OWN SAKE
Avoid: fishing in the wind, oyster shucking, swimming with sharks, gesticulating while holding a thermos of hot tea, playing “catch” with jellyfish.
PLAY IT SAFE
You insist on staying safe while engaging in the other great nude pursuit, so don’t let your guard drop here. It’s an unwritten rule that overt perving is taboo among the great unclad, but all those boobs and bums can attract the occasional oddball.
Women especially should resist the urge to extend their search for the ultimate nature communion by wandering off into isolated bushland, concealed dunes or empty beaches. Stay within sight of other bathers and don’t be shy to plonk yourself – ever so gracefully – down with a friendly bunch of like-minded cohorts if you’re being harassed or creeped out.
REMEMBER YOUR PLACE
All that nakedness can be thirsty work, but before wiggling and jiggling up to the kiosk, take a second or two to consider your surrounds.
If the clothes-free beach is a mere sliver of sand shared with the greater public, it’s probably best to tack on your togs before mingling. At the very least, this can save you the ignominy of having dozens of chortling rubbernecks snapping shots of you dribbling icy poles into crevasses best left unmentioned.
On the ‘covering up’ note, don’t forget to slip, slop and (gently) slap, especially those bits usually kept in the dark/your trousers.
AND FINALLY…
It’s been a great day at the nudie beach. You feel liberated, at one with the natural world and you’re rocking a seam-free tan. Good for you! But don’t get too carried away with a ceremonial clothes burning just yet.
Especially if you’re catching public transport home.
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